At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
