reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize