it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
