Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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