Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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