she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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