i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
