if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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