Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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