After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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