Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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