i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
