She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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