Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
