i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
