my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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