Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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