garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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