im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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