dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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