i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
