Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
