that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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