Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
