During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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