I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
