just tell him i said nine months
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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