I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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