Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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