His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
