I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
