i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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