Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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