I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
