no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
