Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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