Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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