You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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