A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
