It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
