At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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