The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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