I'm really into asian looking animals
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i love accidental penises.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
