i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
