if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
