i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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