Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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