i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
