I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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