Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
