took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
