Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize