Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drunk is a universal language darling
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