There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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