Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
