I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
