Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
