Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
