i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
