I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
