ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize