In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
