I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
