Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
