Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize