Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
