no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
