Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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