Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
